10 February 2012

The Last of the Christmas Chocolate. . .

February 10, 1772 dawns gray and cold across the Electorate of Zichenau with some light snow in the air.  Nevertheless, the army has been rousted from its winter quarters and assembled, ready to march from behind the walls and through the main gates of the capital Hissig, north toward the Grand Duchy of Stollen.  And behind the walls of The Residenz?  A heated conversation is brewing too.  Let's eavesdrop on a snippet of it between Zichenau's Princess Antonia III and her consort, the notorious French mercenary-adventurer General Phillipe de Latte, shall we?

Antonia III: Have you seen that box of chocolate cremes and caramels I was given by Mother for Christmas, dearest?

de Latte: (With a trace of chocolate at the corner of his mouth) What?  (Obsequiously) Why, no sweetness.  That I have not.  Of course not. (Surreptitiously dabs at mouth with white handkerchief). Chocolate cremes and caramels, you say?  Why, whatever do you mean?

Antonia III:  (Whipping around to face him) You scoundrel!  You know perfectly well what I'm talking about.  What is that on your mouth and handkerchief?  You've been at my Christmas chocolates again, haven't you?

de Latte: (With a consoling tone) My, love, please. . .

Antonia III:  You snake!   (Reaches for the nearest priceless vase and hurls it in de Latte's direction).

de Latte: (Dodges vase and replaces handkerchief in breast pocket as vase crashes against wall behind him).  Um. . .  Yes.  Well, I think I'll leave now to invade the Grand Duchy of Stollen like we planned.

Antonia III: You do that, you poltroon!  Don't come back until you have an unconditional surrender from the Stollenian government!    And don't expect anymore schnooky-schnooky until I have that fool Irwin-Amadeus's head on a platter.

de Latte: (Taken aback) No schnooky-schnooky?

Antonia III: Or you've been to the chocolatier to replace the candies you purloined while my back was turned.  Mother always warned me about Frenchmen and sweets.  But did I listen to her?  Now get out!   I have my flute to practice.

de Latte: (Taking two pinches of snuff and inhaling them deeply) Yes, my love, and (pausing mid-sentence). . .  ah, ah, ah-CHOO!!!  Oh, my!  (Blinks watering eyes several times) Good Lord!  Nothing like a sneeze of that tremendous magnitude to clear a man's head when he's. . .

Antonia III: (Interrupting over her shoulder as she assembles her instrument) And invade Stollen at once!  Do you hear?  At once!  Or haven't I made myself clear?  (Picks up an atomizer of cologne from her dressing table, turns, winds up, and throws it hard at de Latte).

de Latte: (Just manages to dodge the projectile and replies meekly) Yes, my sweet.  Of course you have.  (Bowing before turning to leave) Yes.  Perfectly clear.  Of course.  (Exits chamber hastily, calling down corridor to his man) Monsieur de Pomade, my horse!

Antonia III: (Muttering to herself) A general he says?  Tactical dilettante is more like it!  My left foot could move troops around the battlefield more efficiently.  Now, where did I leave that Vivaldi sheet music?

Curtain falls.


abdul666 said...

Lovely text!

For chocolates, better to invade Switzerland :)

I have not noticed as yet that a Frenchman was ruling Zichenau?

Prinz Ulrich von Boffke said...

Undoubtedly, those were Swiss chocolates. Or perhaps Belgian? Antonia III is some minor German princess from somewhere in Central Europe. But General Phillipe de Latte, on the other hand, is a French veteran of the Seven years War. Thanks for checking in.

Best Regards,


Bluebear Jeff said...

From her attitude, we in Saxe-Bearstein are convinced that Antonia must have vile Stagonian blood running through her veins . . . although it has obviously been moderated by some less vicious bloodline.

Surely a check on her ancestors will reveal this sad blight.

-- Jeff

Prinz Ulrich von Boffke said...

Without a doubt, Jeff!

Best Regards,


Chris Gregg said...

Very entertaining thank you. Does this mean Latte will be seeking his schnooky schnooky in Stollen? The usual pursuit by the victors in an invasion.......?

Prinz Ulrich von Boffke said...

One never knows, Chris. One never knows.

Best Regards,


Suz said...

Oh! That's nice, I love giving Christmas chocolate gift to my close ones with lots of different chocolates and caramels. Thought I'd just share!


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