Too Much TIme on His Hands? Indeed Not!!!

Recently, it has been suggested that perhaps Stollen’s Grand Duke Irwin-Amadeus II has too much time on his hands. Imagine! The nerve! While his advisors and closest ministers certainly cannot speak for the other petty rulers around apocryphal 18^th century Europe, they assure us that the Grand Duke’s days are quite full with little time left for foolishness.

When he is not undergoing torture at the hands of the royal dentist Herr Doktor von Ötker, Irwin-Amadeus can be found strolling the gardens of Krankenstadt Palace accompanied by a small retinue, or reviewing his troops as they muster and maneuver. And yes, most days he wears the famed lobster costume missing the left claw! However, those closest to the Grand Duke have suggested procuring another costume so that the first can be washed – it is getting just a wee bit gamey as summer approaches. Negotiations have begun recently with the royal seamstress in the basement of the palace, to produce a second costume for the Grand Duke. But Grizelda is being rather difficult and holding out for some kind of promotion within the palace household staff.

Otherwise, Irwin-Amadeus fills his days with various state functions like the recent dinner and ball held for the trade delegation from Reconstituted Byzantium. Then of course there are the various sessions of the Ministry, which Irwin-Amadeus opens and attends with regularity, often observing from the gallery above the chamber floor where much of Stollen’s government discussion takes place. Or alternately, the Grand Duke can be found at his writing desk, keeping up with his correspondence. Regardless of the subject matter of these letters, they usually conclude with a phrase similar to, “Yes, yes. But I think I’ll have a bath now. Fetch my rubber duck!”

Then, of course, there are the ongoing chess games with Hans the 11 year old stable boy, in which Irwin-Amadeus can spend hours staring at the board in situ, plotting his next moves – only to be confused and befuddled instantly when Hans is summoned to make his own next move. The current game has continued sporadically for the previous three weeks with no sign that Irwin-Amadeus will win this time either. The situation is a source of endless frustration for our beleaguered Grand Duke!

Finally, if there is nothing else on tap for a given day, Irwin-Amadeus does his best to avoid his wife, who he refuses to refer to by any name other than Fraulein von Nordin -- her maiden name. Yet the two have been married for more than 25 years! The union is not what we could call “happy” or mutually satisfactory.

So, there you see, Irwin-Amadeus II has a rather busy life with little time for typically “kingly” pursuits like riding, hunting, and debauchery with the fairer sex.