25 April 2007

The Krankenstadt Tageblat -- Society Page

Grand Duke Embarrassed by Palatial Hijinks

Krankenstadt, The Grand Duchy of Stollen

Yesterday evening, a large state function, given by Grand Duchess Frederikka von Schwerin und Hoch, was held at the Palace of Krankenstadt on the picturesque heights above the city, to celebrate the recent rise in tourist-based trade and commerce here in the Grand Duchy of Stollen. Many visiting dignitaries, diplomats, and aristocrats of the region were in attendance, including the newly appointed minister of tourism and travel, Herr Peter-Erich von Euelenspiegel, who was the guest of honor. Also in attendance were Stollen's Minister of War Heinrich-Schatzi von Pelznikkel, the Minister of Trade,Herr Rastus-Uwe Georg von Gebogenius an der Pickelhaube, and Prussia's new ambassador to Stollen, the gregarious and perpetually bemused Honorable Herr Heinz von dem Salat.

Led by the gallant Oberfeldwebel Klatschen, a company of the Leib (Grand Duchess Sonja’s Own) Grenadiers was in attendance outside the palace, standing guard and assisting guests as they arrived and debarked from their carriages to enter the palace. As guests entered the palace, they enjoyed music provided by a local chamber ensemble, playing favorites by the usual Baroque and Rococo composers that we have come to know and love here in The Grand Duchy.

Inside, the main hall where the ball took place was decorated with bunting in the traditional Stollenian colors of light blue and orange, while large crystal chandeliers illuminated the main floor where over 80 couples danced endless rounds of the Minuet at the height of the evening. The dinner, scheduled for 22:15, was of several courses, including a main dish of roasted boar's heads and a dessert of Trifle without the cake -- in other words, limp fruit soaked in Cointreau.

Unfortunately, the evening was marred by a slight miscalculation in attire. The Grand Duke Irwin-Amadeus II was announced to guests at exactly 22:00. However, it seems he was misinformed as to the precise nature of the evening. Thinking that the event was a costume ball, Irwin-Amadeus II turned up wearing a lobster costume instead of the usual version of state attire that one expects at such a function. It goes without saying that hilarity ensued at the Grand Duke's expense, and Irwin-Amadeus II withdrew hastily, bowing to guests and offering, "I thought it was a costume ball. I thought it was a costume ball," as he backed his way quickly out of the room.

This morning, speculation is rife across the Grand Duchy of Stollen as advisors around the capital try to determine precisely who the practical joker was behind the millinary misinformation fed to Irwin-Amadeus II, regarding his choice of dress. Opinions vary, but it is widely thought that perhaps the enigmatic Grand Duchess Frederikka von Schwerin und Hoch could be behind the events of yesterday night.

For his part, Irwin-Amadeus II has remained in his chambers since last evening, admitting only his personal assistant Johannes P. Flickenhoffer with a tray of tonic and smelling salts earlier today at approximatly 8:45. As more news becomes available, concerning this latest social blunder by a member of the Stollenian court, we will bring it to you right here.

-- Katrina-Bettina von Heffelfinger


Snickering Corpses said...

Umm....don't we mean "debarked" from their carriages, not "debauched" ? Ahem.

Bluebear Jeff said...

Were any citizens or agents of Stagonia at the ball?

Stagonia's vile ruler, the Graf Maurice von Hirschbock, is well-known as a ruler who likes to embarrass others.

-- Jeff of Saxe-Bearstein

Stokes Schwartz said...


Yes, it's quite possible that Graf Maurice von Hirschbock was in attendance. Who knows? He might have even had a hand in the joke with Grand Duchess Frederikka von Schwerin und Hoch. It's certainly not beyond the realm of possibility.

Debauched? Or debarked? Well, according to my Merriam Webster's, debauched would work as it meant to scatter forth or disperse in Middle French (debaucher) from the Old French (debauchier), but perhaps that is a bit of a stretch. So, I amend it to "debarked". Still, given that it's (imaginary)18th century nobility we're talking about, debauchery of any kind has its place!

AUSTON said...

To the Honorable Herr Johannes P. Flickenhoffer, Grand Duchy of Stollen

His Royal Excellency Augustus, Duke of Saxe-Huack, wishes to send his warm acceptance of diplomatic and trade offers from your regal lord.

An appropriate home with offices has been found close by the ducal palace in our capitol city of Huack for the pleasure and use of those members of your diplomatic corps whom you may send to us.

On behalf of our estate we are sending Prince Paul von Lettow, nephew of our noble lord, to Stollen to act as our ambassador there. He shall bring with him a case of red wine from the duke's personal vineyard, one of our best vintages, year 1648. May it bring hours of drinking pleasure to your court and your grace's royal person.

I have the honour to be, &c.,
Alexander von Jagow
Foreign Minister
Baron of Lettow


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