10. May 1768
Krankenstadt, The Grand Duchy of Stollen
Yesterday, Irwin-Amadeus II had an important appointment to keep in the lowest floor of the eastern wing of Krankenstdat Palace – with Herr Doctor von Ötker, his personal physician and dentist! The Grand Duke has recently been troubled by a crown that keeps coming loose. So, another visit to Herr Doctor von Ötker was in order.
Eyewitnesses on the scene report that the doctor was pleased to see the Grand Duke and rubbed his hands together eagerly when Irwin-Amadeus, together with his small entourage, entered the outer office yesterday afternoon at precisely 12:55. The Grand Duke looked terribly nervous as he handed his coat, hat, and walking stick to his personal assistant Johannes P. Flickenhoffer and walked slowly with Herr Doctor von Ötker toward the inner office, The doctor’s nurse, the redoubtable Sister Diesel, took charge of the situation in the outer office, preventing anyone else from accompanying the Grand Duke into the doctor’s surgery.
Now, it hasn’t been confirmed, but reliable sources suggest that the doctor keeps a string quartet in his employ specifically for the purpose of playing whenever a patient occupies his dentist’s chair. The music is, of course, intended to drown out the blood curdling screams of his patients. Once Irwin-Amadeus disappeared behind Herr Doctor von Ötker’s door yesterday, the string quartet indeed tuned up and played a Bach composition extra loudly for the duration of their consultation.
Irwin-Amadeus II emerged an hour later, looking much the worse for wear and listing to one side as he walked unsteadily toward Herr Flickenhoffer for his belongings. Herr Doctor von Ötker, on the other hand, was invigorated and invited the Grand Duke back for another visit soon. He assured Irwin Amadeus, whose head was bandaged with a knotted handkerchief, wound beneath his chin and knotted at the crown of his head, that is was his most profound pleasure to service the royal mouth. Irwin-Amadeus groaned softly in reply.
With a discernable grin, the good doctor added that it was his sincerest hope to continue his exploration and repair of the Grand Duke’s dentition in a few weeks’ time. Irwin-Amadeus moaned in agreement, nodded, and left for his chambers, where he reportedly took a glass of tonic and smelling salts later in the day.
Stay up to date on further royal developments right here with later editions of the Krankenstadt Tageblat.
-- Katrina-Bettina von Heffelfinger