18 May 2007

Irwin-Amadeus II Fiddles While Neighboring Apochryphal Principalities Smolder

News Brief:

Advisors to the Grand Duchy of Stollen’s ruler, Grand Duke Irwin-Amadeus II, report that his distracted malaise of recent days continues unabated. Unable, or unwilling, to concentrate on the various matters of state at hand, Irwin-Amadeus seems more interested in his fanciful seafood dress and in his growing obsession with white kidskin gloves. Whenever ministers attempt to discuss the clouds of war that hover on Stollen’s horizon’s, the Grand Duke responds, “Yes,yes. A pity, that. Where will we get our kidskin gloves if Hesse-Engelburg is occupied? I think I'll practice my cello now. Fetch my bow!” There are mutterings in certain quiet quarters calling for treatment by that renowned expert of the mind, Herr Professor Doctor von Eierdybe, who holds chairs in metaphysics and philosophy at the University of Schmitten, located in neighboring Pillau Zerbst.

In the meantime, Stollen’s generals have taken it on themselves to begin assembling their small army and preparing it for war, should that eventuality come. Stollen’s household regiment, the Leib (Grand Duchess of Sonja’s Own) Grenadiers is currently receiving new uniforms and training under the watchful eye of one Oberfeldwebel Klatschen. An additional regiment of infantry, a smaller battalion of jäger, a large regiment of dragoons, and a battery of artillery stand ready to take the field. These bodies of men shall hold annual maneuvers in June, an event that will be covered by members of our press. Advisors to Stollen’s generals point out that it may be necessary to hire mercenary troops from a neighboring principality like Werben-Steinau or Pillau-Reuss to round out troop numbers. Army representatives have been sent to those two territories to ascertain which large infantry regiments might be available for hire should the need arise.

-- A. Reliableus von Quelle

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